spoilas

meladoodle:

try to close someone’s eyes like a corpse when you’re bored of talking to them

foreveralone-lyguy:

I’m going to start quoting fall out boy whenever someone starts talking

jesspinkman:

being a pessimist is great i’m always either right or pleasantly surprised 

#the optimistic look on pessimism  

(Source: xcyst)

richardarmitge:

she was a girl

he was a boy

can i make it any more convoluted and unnecessarily complicated

brigwife:

v4cc1nes:

owlcitymordred:

stagdoeandfawn:

catully:

brigwife:

latitudeoctopus:

brigwife:

wait you mean you don’t use the word ‘fortnight’ in america???

Wait what? Then what do they use?

they don’t have a word

what do you mean they don’t have a word what kind of uncivilised people are they??

the fuck is a fortnight

It’s a word for ‘two weeks’

Who the hell uses fortnight

civilised people

another reminder.

the world is heavy
but your bones
(just a cubic inch)
can hold 19,000 lbs

ounce for ounce
they are stronger than steel

atom for atom
you are more precious than diamond

and stars have died
so that you may live

you need to remember these things
when you say that you are weak
and worthless

(Source: sinandserotonin)

selfdoubtandsyphilis:

dankestrnemes:

do animals think in english or in the sounds they make

this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for

laugh-addict:

They expect you to be walking to school like:

but in reality you’re like:

They expect you to be in class like: 

but in reality you’re like:

They expect you before an exam to be all like:

but in reality you’re like:

They expect to react to your exam mark like:

but in reality they’ll be like:

(Source: theromance)

metalburger:

But will the new Xbox stop little white kids from calling me a nigger in Call of Duty?

lrvin:

I don’t discriminate. I hate everyone until I get to know them.

uggatrip:

when you try to tell someone a joke but you punch up the fuckline

homosassy:

the dumbest thing is when parents say “this isnt how i raised you” like ?????? yes it really is you literally raised me and here i am